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Bill Paying Night, Broke Up with BF

November 29th, 2011 at 07:01 pm

I paid the last two November bills tonight. I have been very careful with every dollar all month and I was able to send Citi MC the $124 regular payment plus the new charges in full! So that train has not been de-railed at all. Yay!

I paid Chase Freedom in full only by pulling $700 from vacation savings. So that is not so yay.

I did not contribute to Roth or any savings, other than the few "extra" dollars I sent to CurveBall (credit card rewards, class action lawsuit, change from my wallet).

My monthly budget report will be good news for a change.

In other news, I broke up with my BF last night. I am sad and angry, but know it is for the best. I have been waiting for 17 months now for him to move in, and he just won't make any progress at all. It has been 2.5 months since I told him I was very tired of waiting and if he wanted to move in with me, he needed to do it. He promised no more video games until he moved in. I'll bet he has spent 100 hours playing video games in the past month, yet not 1 single hour doing anything move related.

Last week, when BF and I were at my cousin's for Thanksgiving, he casually mentioned in conversation that years ago when he broke up with a particular girlfriend, he moved out of their place in 24 hours. I said "Really? 24 hours?" and he said yes and launched into details. That remark made me very angry but I don't think he realized it.

Last night when I got home from work, I discovered that he had done nothing much all day yet again. And that was just the final straw, I felt very angry and I knew that I was done waiting. So I told him I had decided it would be a mistake for him to move all the way in and he should start moving out. I also said it was not fair to me that he makes promises but does not keep them. He was surprised and then I think a little angry, and he just looked at me. He slept on the couch last night, was still asleep this morning when I left the house, and is gone now. He hasn't moved anything that I can tell, but he had driven his car and left his truck and trailer at his house the last time he was there.

(That is another story. He has some important mail waiting for him at his p.o. box. The week before Thanksgiving, he would say each morning he would be gone when I got home, he needed to go get the mail and attend to the matter. Each evening he would still be at my house. Finally, when I got home that Friday, he was ready to go. I said "Tomorrow is my 1 day off this week (I had to work last Sunday), and NOW you are ready to go?" So he did stay, then went home on Monday. He came back Wednesday night because we were leaving Thursday morning for my cousin's house. Guess what he hadn't done? That's right, he hadn't gotten the mail. He went to the post office, discovered he must have lost his key, spoke to an employee and was told he needed a certain document (the p.o. box is in a corporate name, not his personal name) to get a new key. So he went home to get the document but was not able to find it. This is the sort of thing he does which makes me CRAZY.)

Do I sound angry? I am starting to have a lot of anger towards him, and I don't want that. He really is a lovely person with some fabulous qualities, but he is extremely unorganized and cannot manage his time at all. The breaking promises is a deal-breaker for me. If I was OK with that, I'd have just stayed married.

What I am most worried about is how my son J will take this news. He goes to his dad's house on Sunday afternoons and gets dropped off back here on Tuesday evenings. So in an hour or so, I will have to tell him. He and now Ex-BF had really bonded. I'm not going to make that mistake again.

10 Responses to “Bill Paying Night, Broke Up with BF”

  1. Amber Says:

    I'm sorry to hear about you and your BF but you have to do whats best for you. I stayed in relationship where the BF moved in and refused to hold a job, I was miserable. Not until he left that I felt some relief.

    Hope it all works out for you

  2. photo Says:

    No break-up is ever easy, but from what you've stated, your life will be a lot less frustrating from now on. All the best to you.

  3. My English Castle Says:

    Aw, petunia. I'm sad for you. Sounds like he needs to get his act together. Hang in there.

  4. CB in the City Says:

    I'm so sorry. Even when it's the right thing to do, it's hard.

  5. ThriftoRama Says:

    Wow. It sounds as though you did the right thing, but I know it's hard. It always is. I hope your little one does okay with all of this. Hugs.

  6. Looking Forward Says:

    Bummer! Sounds like it will be for the best. Who knows, maybe this will help him get his act together. Good luck to you.

  7. frugaltexan75 Says:

    It sounds like you made a tough, yet good decision. I hope it goes well with your son.

  8. Campfrugal Says:

    Stay strong. I think you made the right decision.

  9. jperryharris Says:

    Hello again petunia! We meet again! I feel that most importantly that we all teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves how we treat others reflects how we feel about ourselves example:trust, setting boundaries,communication,honesty, most importantly if and when in the beginning of any partnership or courtship dating whatever you call it if you have standards in other words "limitations" behaviors,likes and dislikes right then is when we need to make critical decisions at that point,whether it be having a detailed and deep discussion into what both parties want and whats acceptable and whats not, goals and dreams,having children, sex drives, who deals with what, finances and this list goes on but those are the most important.Not holding unrealistic expectations of others and accepting others as they are, understanding that we cannot change others. Lying to ourselves never makes things non-existent or go away. If we don't trust others enough to communicate and tell them how we feel then that person is not worthy of us. If we aren't comfortable communicating with another that simply means one out of two things: we don't trust them and believe in them or we don't trust and believe in ourselves. I wouldn't suggest any women going into any relationship with anyone without getting to know that other person which comes with time lots of it! Especially when there's kids involved. Now if you had of been honest from the very beginning of this relationship about these issues within yourself more then anyone else.Us women need to stop settling for anything in our lives, we are powerful,beautiful and strong beyond measure and We deserve nothing but the best from anyone we choose to accept into our lives especially when it comes to any lifelong companionship. Life is our largest learning adventure we will ever go on and when we CHOOSE not to listen to ourselves that's when things can get messy and we subconsciously cause situations, circumstances and outcomes that could have been avoided in the first place. Sometimes the niceness in others(not accepting them fully) and the selfishness in ourselves(wanting and hoping for things to be different) clouds our judgement to what we truly want in our lives and what we don't. Now the lesson for you here is to always trust and listen to yourself above all others and never accept anything less then YOU truly deserve. Good luck to you and blessings! Smile

  10. patientsaver Says:

    I'm really sorry. I know this was important to you. I really agree that he needs to get his act together first before he can be successful in having a serious, live-in relationship with you.

    At least his depression is finally now out in the open. Hopefully medication combined with counseling will help, but it may not be a quick fix.

    Depression can often be masked and come across as extreme apathy, anger, irritability. I think you're better off living separately until and if he gets better.

    Not once, but twice did I experience something similar where a boyfriend moved in and then a few months later decided he needed a "break" from work, confident that he could take an extended leave of absence becus he was seeing a counselor and she'd write a note for him. He worked in a mental health institution. Well, he was wrong, they didn't pay him for the time he was out. Kind of serves him right.

    The 2nd man who lived with me moved cross country to be with me but then his so-called job search downshifted to about 5 mph from the get-go, and i finally had to boot him out. (He was on Prazac, btw, which I hadn't known prior to his moving in here. All it did was make him sleep well into the mid-morning and he was always very even-keeled about everything, which actually was a little exasperating.)

    I was really beginning to feel like he was taking advantage of me and I started getting resentful becus I had a long commute and stressful job and he'd hang around the house all day. In these kinds of situations, you're better off on your own!

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